On Imperfection
We are all born imperfect and during our short life try to achieve perfection; often a futile pursuit. The race begins quite early, with every child being initiated into it, as soon as they are born. In the rat race that life is, demands on us increase as we age. The minute a child is born the parents adore them for what they are, their child. But then they start to notice the child’s physical manifestations. Doesn’t he or she have a crooked lip or large ears. Or it might be the sixth finger or the stunted foot. Everyone wants a perfect baby. Then the guests start to arrive and the comparisons begin. Isn’t the baby dark, or red faced? Of course a cute, chubby baby might be spared some of these comments.
As the child ages, the parents start to notice how quickly the child crawls, walks or climbs. Then the comparisons begin with their siblings, cousins, the neighbors kid(s), etc. Either they are too slow, or too fast, or not as skilled. The parental conversations are either how proud they are of the child being better than the rest, a leader of the pack, or how worried they are, for their ward is a back bencher. Moms are trying to see how they can intervene, should we get physical therapy or occupational therapy. The latter to address the fine motor skills or the speech deficiencies. Cognition or cognitive ability is still not a cause of concern as the focus still remains on the physical attributes. Parents are helping their child achieve perfection or their perception of perfection. Even the doctor offers to help, plotting the child’s development on a chart to show how they are doing on height or weight.
Slowly the focus begins to shift to the senses the talking, hearing and seeing abilities. The parents are so proud of the day their child utters or babbles Mama or Papa. The quiet children are a cause of worry. The meditative state that we yearn when we age is not preferred in the infants and the youth. The talkative, reactive and observant child is fancied while the others are a cause for worry. Infants are ignorant of their parents worry and are lucky not to be bothered by it.
This changes as the child ages and goes through K-12 years. In search of excellence often driven by their own limitations — parents and teachers goad the kids to achieve perfection in sports, in math and science, and in dance or music. Disappointed that their child lacks the prowess leads to anger and disenchantment before acceptance begins.
As the kids enter their teens and begin to realize their deficiencies they often have to reason with themselves. Do they just be who they are, or should they try and become like Joe or Jane the class topper, or the most popular boy or girl in the class, or the ideal child that mom and dad would like them to be. Clearly there is a lot of confusion and they each make their own decisions and choose their own paths right or wrong. The insecurities that build up by comparison of their real self and the ideal self that others create for them makes them confused. The well meaning parents oblivious of this continue to goad their children to excel in something. They are unhappy when their wards don’t meet their expectations.
Once the child reaches adulthood they too adopt the same thought process. The search begins for the perfect college, the perfect roommate, the perfect job, the perfect soul mate. The realization never dawns that perfection exists only in our imagination much like a piece of art or a film stars perfect nose. Once you use a magnifying glass the defects begin to show. A perfect college is an oxymoron for our experience their is moulded by the people we meet and the things we learn. That perfect roommate never exists for the individual(s) we live with or no different than us. The perfect soul mate many of us have learnt is not one you just meet. You have to build a relationship over multiple years and acknowledge each other’s imperfections along the way. It’s the journey and the adaptations we each make along the way that make it what it is.
This quest for perfection extends into our work life to. We compare and rank our employees and goad them to improve and admonish them for lacking what others have or what we want them to have. We never try to give people roles that match their abilities. We selected or inherited them but realize they lack focus, or attention to detail, or have poor analytical or communication skills. I am reminded of Bob Kaminski, owner and CEO of Continental Midland a privately owned fastener company that I worked at, many many years ago. He would be livid when his managers came to him and said they wanted to fire someone. He urged them to go find something different they could do. In the modern corporation the search for perfection has made us blind to find roles that better fit a persons skills.
When maturity comes with age or experience we all realize that our individuality, our uniqueness stems from our imperfections. When we were conceived we inherited the imperfections in our parents genes along with the good characteristics. The environment influenced the mutations which strengthened or weakened some of these. Now there is a school of thought that says that our behavior is influenced by Vaastu or habit from our previous life which then influence our behaviors in the current one. For we are more than what our genes make us to be. You can expound your own theories if reincarnation does not fit your belief system.
So I say let’s accept our imperfections and those of others our friends, co-workers our kith and kin. Let’s learn to accept people as they are and celebrate each individual for who they are. For there in lies the beauty of life. Diversity enriches us, so let’s rejoice in it!
