On Manni Paati — my Grandma (Paati) (1921–2006)
One of the most influential women in my life has been my grandmother. Today on her death anniversary, it’s probably justified to pen a few words on her. For probably like all grandmother’s did to their grandsons, she left an indelible impression in my mind.
My grandmother was no socialite but yet she was the most sociable person I have met. She meant well for everyone she met and her omniscient smile greeted one and all. She was in some sense a master networker and a master communicator. What enabled her to be such, was her superlative listening skills. She had a ear for everyone no matter what time of the day it was. Her ability to speak for eternity and her free soul enabled her to befriend one and all.
With her skills and a little education I can only imagine what all she could have accomplished in today’s world. She could have been the CEO of many a company, or a Prime Minister or President of many a country. Maybe I am partial to my grandma, perhaps many grandmas were the same( I will let you all decide that). I remember this one incident from my childhood where my grandfather asked me to run down and get her thumb print on a document, lamenting whilst he did that she didn’t know how to sign. Not sure what he meant for I have penned letters to her in Tamil, but I sure was livid at him that day for making that statement. My grandmother got married young and was probably not schooled. But there was no excuse for my grandfather a leading lawyer not to have ensured that my grandmother got home schooled to learn the things that she had missed learning whilst she was young.
In a TamBram family it was customary to address your elder brothers wife as Manni. My grand dad being the eldest in the family, my grandma got stuck with the name Manni. She was Manni to all in her generation, “Manniamma” to the next gen and “Mannipaati” to her grand kids. Growing up as a kid I always assumed her name was Manni till one day I learnt her real name — Madhurambal. What an apt name for her? She had “sweetness” in her name itself probably helped mold her character. Maybe we should be careful as we name our kids for their names probably help mold their character.
I was fortunate to spent a lot of time with her growing up. As the eldest grandson, I got some exclusive time with her before my younger siblings decided to show up on this earth. Manni Paati was an excellent story teller and I can reminisce all the tales she told me and our “vanara troup” over the years. The most memorable of those stories were told when we had a power cut in the evening and all we had was moonlight or candlelight. She would keep us all enthralled with her stories simultaneously giving us balls of curd rice ( thayir sadham) with a small glob of vettha kuzhambu on it. God I miss those days. Just thinking about it is releasing endorphins in my body.
My grandma (Manni) was an excellent communicator and liked to keep in touch with people and genuinely cared about them. I can’t remember anyone thinking of her as nosy. She wished people well and helped connect the myriad branches of the family together. I benefited immensely from this and to date one reason why I try and stay connected with our much larger family tree is due to her inspiration. She did this before we had cell phones, and Facebook and Instagram and WhatsApp. Her connections were more sticky. Today we all stay connected on social media but that stickiness doesn’t exist. There is nothing like the spoken word and the warmth that generates. I can only imagine how much more well connected she would have been with all these tools at her disposal.
She was a source of information to one and all. She was the family news editor sharing snippets from people lives that mattered to all. I remember my mom wondering how she was going to stay connected with the extended family after Manni Amma passed away.
Today on her death anniversary let’s all share our fond memories of her. To be true to her spirit connect with someone in the family you have had in your mind but have not spoken to for a very long time. Just pick up the phone and give them a call. Just remember Manni Amma (Paati) to me is watching and she will be proud of your efforts.
