On Relationships
I thought I would write about friendships, but then Aristotle or Plato did so 2000 years ago. Zat Rana has summarized it nicely in his post in case you want to read.
Relationships define us as people, they make us who we are. We pine for them, we make them, break them and refine them every moment based on what we do and we don’t do. That’s the charm of a relationship for what we don’t do matters as much as what we do. The non-verbal means as much as the verbal.
We make new relationships everyday, we nurture and sustain some and we forget the others until we need them. We all are selfish and do what we feel is right for us leaving others in the lurch.
Our first relationships are with our parents, our siblings, our grandparents and our extended family. For most these are the most enduring relationships for a lifetime. But tracking the growth and ebb of these relationships itself is an arduous task.
Then in our childhood we all have our confidants our moms and dads first and then maybe our friends or siblings or cousins. When we built relationships with these people, we develop an implicit trust in our innocence, not asking too many questions. Typically these are relationships that happened where trust had already been built through commingled life experiences. We tend to cherish these relationships life long. These relationships often help create our moral fabric that guides our behavior as we live our lives.
But sometimes these relationships break or change due to circumstances — people moving to a different town sometimes miles away, getting married, having children, death, a break up and worst of them all inconceivable differences that creep up that don’t allow you to continue the relationship. Not everyone experiences all these but the reality is that these happen.
Each of these impacts us in ways that help us grow as individuals and build facades (cocoons) protecting us from the damage it does to our soul.
Just the news of a loved one going far away makes us sad thinking of how life will be without the daily interactions. A person getting married (a close friend or relative) suddenly moves that much apart. They face their own challenges building a new relationship and suddenly don’t have time for you.
A couple that you have befriended and done things together, going on bike rides, picnicking, going on hikes, etc has a child and poof they are gone from your life. Their center of attention has changed and they are no longer available for you, suddenly creating a vacuum in your life.
A loved one passes away and all you’re left with is sweet memories of experiences with them. The closer you are to the person the harder the separation. The more tragic the cause the harder the separation. The vaccum they leave is hard to fill immediately and it takes a while, sometimes many years. We hear stories about how distraught people become when their pets die, leading to an entirely new stuffed pet industry.
When a trusted relationship vaporizes due to circumstances we find it hard to cope with. Some say we never become normal again. Their is truth to this saying for life has changed for ever whether we realize or not, it just takes us that long to accept.
Then there is the break up or a sudden disruption in relationships due to inconceivable differences. These can affect you almost the same way as a separation caused by death. In some cases these are even harder to accept. Ask those who have been through a break up. Sometimes even after decades people pine for their lost love or friendship. Agreed, this seems irrational for life has moved on but that imagined sense of being has never left the soul that lost a life or friendship.
It’s worse when siblings split due to a family feud or friendships break for whatever reason. You live your life hoping to be reunited, some even try and fail making them feel worse, others just let it be out of fear of rejection.
It’s interesting how who we are defines what relationships we hold and vice versa. From the moment we are conceived till long after we are dead our persona our spirit impacts those around us. In today’s age with social media we are more well connected than ever before.
But does texting each day or sharing images and posts and videos and wishing happy birthdays cultivate a relationship. I don’t see how without face to face contact or sharing of experiences we can build, rebuild or cultivate our relationships. With the amount of time we spend on social media are we building imaginary relationships with imaginary people who will not experience or get to sense the real us. Also in spending all the time with our imaginary relationships are we continuing to destroy the few real relationships we hav, by failing to nurture them.
Be true to your soul and focus the little time you have on building, rebuilding and nurturing the relationships that matter. Don’t worry about the number of connections on Linked In, the number of likes on FB and the number of groups you have in WhatsApp.
